As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This baby is an asshole
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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