hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
