I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
