It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
