Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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