Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
