you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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