In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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