just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
