Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Help. Why am I so naked?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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