is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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