i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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