Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
