im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
