I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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