Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
