So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
