Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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