my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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