you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
