does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
