He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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