it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
