Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
