Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
