Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
