The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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