Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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