He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
