Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
