It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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