i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
