so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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