I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
