My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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