I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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