I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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