yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I want a musical about memes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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