they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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