like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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