I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
