my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
