i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
