The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
