i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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