some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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