I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
