i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
