i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
