If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
