Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
