Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
