On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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