Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
