Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
