I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
