dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
