Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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